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just kidding

by diy death

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1.
Time, As A Testicle 03:44
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it's not helpful to think about time when nothing could be further from the truth time is not a lie but it is growing further and further away from me it is in a red shift it is entropy i am in its rift i am not to swift i am pretty shrewd i am an attitude of apathetic antisocial anybody can tell you that i am not normal no, i am not normal but who wants to be normal other than normal people? when you have time and space in your hand like testicles you can take life by the balls you can grab life by the horns you can fully be formless and void you can be a lasting impression of the way time fails
2.
The Anal Stage 01:36
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3.
An Old Adage 02:20
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do you know what i had for breakfast today? i would tell you but it wouldn't matter to you anyway i am something you could eat, you know i don't confuse the food with its eater but i confuse myself with all that consumes me there is a saying it goes like this: "you are what you eat"
4.
Decomposing Questionnaire 05:18
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i was not joking when i said i'm dead think about it have you ever seen me in the same place at the same time with my body? i haven't that is my first clue you could be dead too that's why i've composed a decomposing questionnaire question 1: when you walk through walls does it hurt? question 2: do you ever see yourself (really yourself) in a mirror? question 3: do you go to bed, or does bed come to you? does sleep come natural to you? question 4: how many times before have you tried to alleviate your dysphoria by making another attempt? last question. last question: do you feel alive? if not, why doubt yourself?
5.
Kidding 01:37
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6.
Opposite Action 01:08
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opposite action willing hands half-smiling, i witness you give in to satisfy their demands i withhold my consent for treatment
7.
Do You Want To Kill Me? 01:25
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do you want to kill me? i can see it in your smile don't get me wrong i am not offended i just want to know why if you can tell why you want to kill me then i would maybe know too
8.
(I Have Lost My) Living Will 05:58
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neighbor love thyself neighborhood, neighborhealth you can pronounce my name "neither" you can pronounce my name "nether" you can call me anything you want oh it is the boldest font of living i write in script incipit explicit i will i kill your living will neighbor, i found you a home on a hill live with me or become me be still my heart be still my font italic boldface i am emphasis i am not cis i am nothing if not i am not just a neighbor i am your lover i am your changer i am your keeper i am a part of yourself when can be a community of care and health? don't tell me to take care of myself while you go and hide you are my responsibility you are my will you are my reason you are mine, living will
9.
Gigue 02:17
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10.
I Become A Lower Fidelity Version Of Myself 01:21
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11.
Let Me Mean Myself 05:46
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i play on your shoulders you pick me up, you scoop me up, you hold me you hold me between your middle finger and your index between your sign and your symbol between your lexical sexual self at this point, babe, it's just semantics at this point, babe, it's all pedantic but baby, when children are involved you've got to take things at face value we are all younger than anything we all grow younger every day if youth means not knowing the way if youth is something that can't be acquired only something that can be lost let me mean myself let me mean nothing else for you for you are the one i love pick me, hold me up play on my playground so much has been lost so much was never there i'm reading things again i'm reading too much into it i still want to be your friend let me play on your shoulders let me play another game and it's always the same i mean nothing but myself so don't speak my name

about

i worked so hard on this album for four hours

i'm actually ok and not suicidal in any kind of meaningful way right now. that doesn't mean i'm not having constant thoughts, fantasies, and impulses towards self-destruction and self-death. that doesn't mean this shit is getting any easier. but i'm in a better place than i ever was and one thing they don't tell you about recovery is that feeling better is the last part, you truly have to be doing better first. anyways here's some microtonal music

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released February 2, 2020

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diy death Providence, Rhode Island

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